grinning bobcat...

When I was little, I thought Pocahontas was the greatest film ever. I used lipstick as war paint in a bid to look a little bit like a native American. I sang the songs all the time. I played the video at least twice a week, much to my sister's disgust. Best of all, I was convinced that the climactic song 'Savages' was in fact a roaring chorus about... sandwiches. I hang my head in shame.

In my opinion, the greatest Disney film is The Rescuers. Its value is greatly under appreciated, but its appeal is vast. Honestly, it has everything! Firstly, it is terrifying. The nice, little orphan Penny is kidnapped by some scary people and has to make the hazardous trek down a mine to find a diamond or she will be eaten by some alligators (Sort of. I haven't seen it for a while...). Luckily she is rescued by some adventurous mice and finds a home, living happily after. Then there's the second film. Not quite as good, but certainly not to be dismissed. The villain looks just like a Kidderminster cabbie. This once led to a terrifying journey home from Morrisons...


The Lion King and Beauty and the Beast are obviously classic. Snow White is annoying, The Hunchback of Notre Dame is full of brilliant songs and a satiric juxtaposition of religion and sex, and Mulan has to be the most aesthetically pleasing film in existence...


I hate to sound like a grandmother, but they really just don't make them like they used to, do they? Watch a Disney film now and there are no spontaneous songs or soundtracks written by such national treasures as Elton John and Phil Collins. The humour is more laboured and much less subtle. And just as a parting comment, if you are lacking in things to do this rainy bank holiday weekend, watch the Jungle Book. It is obscenely brilliant. I swear I never appreciated it when I was a kid. Unlike Pocahontas...

with a dreamy far off look, and her nose stuck in a book...

I haven't been out of the house for two days. Usually I would find this depressing, but right now it's really rather wonderful. I've been watching LOTS and lots of House, as well as The Devil Wears Prada and Step Up (an awful film. Seriously.) Because none of these things are all that distracting, I've actually managed to get some work done. If I were to prioritise, I would do history coursework, followed by preparation for French speaking which falls a week tomorrow, then finish up my English coursework. Of course, my brain does not work in such a rational manner. I've been doing general English work, Wuthering Heights mostly. I've been colour-coding, note-taking, partaking in general literature-based merriment, the works. The exam isn't 'til mid June. I'm not really sure what I'm playing at, but some work, whether important or not is better than no work at all. Right?

I had everyone round here on Friday night which was nice. There was minimal vomit and I think the house actually turned out tidier after the party than before. This is because my friends are awesome. And really bizarrely tidy. My messiness is as mystifying to them as their urge to live in a clean, pleasant environment is to me. Minimalism has never really been my thing. What's the opposite? Squalor, or just plain mess? Either way, that's how I live my life. Anyway, it was really nice to see everyone. Equally, the next night, I had the pleasure of catching up with some old friends, including my ex-vicar Fiona and her husband Martin who had us all over for dinner. It was absolutely lovely despite the fact that we all seemed really tired due to holidays and hangovers.

It's time to lose weight for the summer. I don't like winter much but it does hold the advantage of being able to conceal rolls of fat beneath rolls of fabric. As soon as the snow melts and the gladiator sandals come out, there is no escape. I do this every year. Yo-yo? Me? We've acquired an archaic rowing machine from he who must not be named, which is a start. I may not lose weight, but my arms are now really manly. Score.

Everyone is breaking up. This is bad at the best of times, but I have unusually high levels of cynicism in my blood, so when there is a spate of break-ups like this, I climb further in my metaphorical (though not insignificant) bitter hole. People cheat, people get divorced, people die. I always thought Sleeping Beauty and Cinderella were wet. Esmerelda is awesome and beats up her future husband whom she chooses over the evil man who could ensure her safety. Belle strives to escape her "provincial life" by choosing an ugly guy over the town hottie. Mulan gains the gratitude of the emperor of frigging China! They all end up happy. Well, they all end up married. According to Disney, I'm pretty sure these two things are interchangeable. I'm not really sure where I'm going with this, so I will summarize. Girls with principles and a strong will end up happy too. They do tend to be animated though...