my top ten fictional heroines.

• Number One - Lisa Simpson - an eloquent, sarcastic Buddhist vegetarian Democrat nerd who campaigns tirelessly for social justice and - and is eight years old. 

"Dad, as intelligence goes up, happiness often goes down. In fact I made a graph... I make a lot of graphs."

• Number two - Juno MacGuff - an eloquent, sarcastic Democrat nerd who happens to be with child. The fact that she can be silly enough to get pregnant at sixteen and remain brilliant really says something, I think...

"I could like, have this baby and give it to someone who like totally needs it."

• Number three - Summer Finn - As in Summer. From 500 Days of Summer. Her name was even in the title, and I'm not sure there's a young girl alive who can watch this film without wanting to just be her. And the difference with Summer (unlike most of the females on this list) is that boys like her too. So you can always cajole one of them into watching it with you. This also works with films starring Keira Knightley and Jessica Alba, but unfortunately not really with Julie Delpy or Kristin Scott Thomas. 

"So, what if I'd gone to the movies? What if I had gone somewhere else for lunch? What if I'd gotten there 10 minutes later? It was - it was meant to be. And... I just kept thinking... Tom was right."

• Number four - Grandmother Willow - The only member of this list who is a tree. A tree who can kick arse and scowl and advise. She is so very wise, and talks sense to Pochontas when everyone around her fails to see past the fact that she has fallen in love with the enemy. The fact that John Smith happens to be hopelessly dull seems irrelevant to all.

 

"It's enough to make your sap boil!"

• Number five - Clementine Kruczynski- From Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind. Kate Winslet just seems to improve tenfold when she dyes her hair orange and hooks up with Jim Carrey. Then erases him. Then hooks up with him again. She's a little bit crazy, but who isn't? All in all, a brilliant lady to admire.

"Drink up, young man. It'll make the whole seduction part less repugnant."

• Number six - Lyra Belacqua- From the 'His Dark Materials' trilogy. I wish these books had been around when I was little, because I would have been able to have a fictional role model who wasn't Milly Molly Mandy (who incidentally was not even shortlisted for this little chart.) She's just so cool and fearless and gutsy. She is impulsive and unafraid to speak her mind or take a risk. I also sort of wish we could all a little animal daemon like Pantalaimon to keep us company and give advise and suchlike things.

"'I wish…' she said, and stopped. There was nothing that could be gained by wishing for it. A final, deep shaky breath, and she was ready to go on."

• Number seven - Hermione Granger - Yes alright, she whinges a hell of a lot, and she can be a bit full of herself, but she also punches the insufferable Draco Malfoy and is the cleverest witch of her age. Everyone says so. And she's muggle born, therefore disproving all the right-wing, closed minded pure-blood fanatics that threaten the wellbeing of the wizarding world.

"Wingardium Leviosa', not 'Leviosaaa!"

• Number eight - Kat "I'm not hostile, I'm annoyed" Stratford - From '10 Things I Hate About You', which despite my best efforts remains one of my favourite films. She reads 'The Bell Jar' and 'The Feminine Mystique' and refuses to mingle with her peers and their "meaningless, consumer-driven lives". Amazing.

"I still maintain that he kicked himself in the balls."

• Number nine - Meg - From Hercules. She's such a mahoosive feminist and has a really cool voice. What more could you want?

"Well, you know how men are. They think "No" means "Yes" and "Get lost" means "Take me, I'm yours."

• Number ten - Jo March - From 'Little Women'

"I find it poor logic to say that because women are good, women should vote. Men do not vote because they are good; they vote because they are male, and women should vote, not because we are angels and men are animals, but because we are human beings and citizens of this country." (I think this says it all)

for richer, for poorer, in fiction and in wealth...

I have realised that when I make sweeping, unsubstantiated commentsin this blog, these comments are challenged and turned on their head (or just mocked) by the people who read this, resulting in me feeling a bit naive, or faintly amused at the intimidating intelligence of some of the people in my life. So yes, what I am trying to say (in the longest sentence ever) is that I need to be careful.

This is how I would usually start this post:

Now, as you know, I will never get married. I do not believe that the institution of marriage can offer me anything in my life. I am fiercely independent and I will never need a man to complete me. I am already whole. BUT, if I were to change my mind (though this is unthinkable), these men would probably be the only ones in the world that I could bear to marry.

...

So though I love writing ranty paragraphs, it may be time to refine my thought processes and write like a grown up. I probably shouldn't have chosen this post to try it, but nevertheless, here is my second effort...

I may never marry. Never say never, but I'm not sure it's really for me. In the words of Summer (of '500 Days of Summer' fame) "I just don’t feel comfortable being anyone’s girlfriend. I don’t actually feel comfortable being anyone’s anything". Now, replace the word 'girlfriend' with 'wife' and you're getting close to my way of thinking. I'm sure many people have happy, healthy marriages, but I don't really like making compromises or admitting that I am wrong. And I'm scared of foetuses. And foetus-presence is implied in the holy sacrament, etc, of marriage.

Nevertheless, there are a few people in this world (none of whom I have met) I believe I could put up with forever and ever:

• James McAvoy - The original, the best. Plus, he already seems to be making one marriage work, and therefore is an expert.
• Conor Oberst - It wouldn't be the most cheerful household ever, but we could have sad, gaunt children who would be musical prodigies and have weird eyes.
• Robert Webb - Mostly because of this (which I robbed shamelessly), partly because of this.
• Joseph Gordon-Levitt - He stole my heart when I first watched Ten Things I hate About You (I think I was 12) and I never really got it back.
  
• Jonny Lee Miller - He plays Mr Knightley in the good version of 'Emma' and is the master of twinkly eyed disapproval. He was married to Angelina Jolie, however who is stunningly beautiful and I'm... well... not.
  
• Auden - dead and gay. At least my taste is original...
• Remus Lupin.
• Simon Amstell.
• Atticus Finch.
• Bill Murray.
• John Hannah.

I feel like the last few need no explanation.

winter's waiting...

Today has been dismal, but in a brilliant way. I listened to Regina Spektor which got me in the mood to watch 500 Days of Summer which got me in the mood to listen to The Smiths which got me in the mood to wallow a bit which got me in the mood to eat Weetos from the box. After that of course, I needed some refreshment, so drank seven hundred cups of tea and quietly seethed for the hour the Cretin was in my house.

So while today has been sort of fun, tomorrow it is time to get out of the house. I may go to church for the first time since Easter because in a couple of weeks I will be in a field with thousands of God types and I don't want to let the side down. I may dig out my walking boots for the first time since Duke of Edinburgh and walk the dog all day long, just for the hell of it. I may go shopping for the first time in hours because it's nearly Autumn, and this can only mean one thing. Knitwear. Normally, I dread the longer nights and slippery pavements, but not this year. This year, I'm ready for it. After all, Winter has many perks: duffel coats and hot water bottles, cableknit and boots, bonfires and an excuse to be miserable, to name but a few.

If you haven't already come across 'Alex Reads Twilight' (which I'm sure you have), I urge you to watch. Unless you are a fan of the books. I personally feel unable to mock them without having read a word, so I take great pleasure in watching someone else do it. He's Quite funny...



So yes, two blogs in two days. This is because I wrote nothing but postcards for three weeks so I have been itching to get something down. Just don't get used to it...

(Just to get you in a wallowy Winter mood).